Vivir Deprisa!!

A secret answer....

2011-10-23T04:18:00.004+04:00

Not so long ago, I was at a social networking event. Over a glass of wine, I was in discussion about spiritually with one of the members present at the event. This is when I was asked a really simple question - 'What do you fear most?'

Thinking about it for 5 seconds - my answer to this really simple question was even simpler - 'An artist always fears his own art'. I didnt realise it instantly, however, while coming back home I wondered what made me say that sentence. It is probably one of the most generic answers ever given to an even generic question. What really got me thinking about the answer is the connection my 'fear' has with my spirituality. Simply put it - 'Is my worship for my creator an offshoot my fear?' Every day morning when I pray - is it only for the fact that I do not want the creator to take away my 'art'? And if this generic statement applies to me - it should apply to the creator himself - he should be worried about his own 'art' - of creating life forms. What if it is all gone one day ..........

But, for love, there is a always a fear of hate. 'Fear' by itself is not a bad thing at all - infact it is the fear of losing which results in bringing together. Unfortunately though, in this competitive life fear eventually becomes your definition and you start running towards your fear. Whether it be 'money', 'power' or 'control' - the fear of losing it makes you lose it eventually. Think about it - death is nothing a fear of living in a particular state. It was the fear of being alone that made the creator create this universe in the first place.

A strong sense of fearfulness creates divides - it draws boundaries among nations, it creates rules for its citizens, it creates dogmas for its society - one is not free anymore because you accept fear for the fear of being alone. Many great thinkers have tried changing it - no one has ever succeded! Last words of the most recent dictator were 'Dont Shoot' - fear eventually took him over as well....

I am sadened by the fact that I m not free anymore - that I have found happiness in my fear - that I am not strong enough to come out of it - that I fear death and have stopped enjoying life. I don't want to goals in my life - I don't want to think about 'if' 'but' 'why' 'when' - What is stopping me - nothing, why am I not doing it - I dont know, how long will this last - good question!

I have misunderstood courage - which is not roaring in the face of fear - its just saying softly to myself 'I'll try again tomorrow..............' (to break free)

The creator...

2011-03-12T05:54:00.002+04:00

100's of trillions of P&C, each one in combination of the other - following a chain, self balancing, self evolving, self creating, self destroying - the fitest survives, change is a finality that shall always prevail. I never thought about it until recently - Why am I here? Where did I come from? Where would I go? - Am I representing a particular set of permutation or combination? Am I just a representation of spactial energy who's decided to be here for the time being before I start travelling again? Is this my only destination or I am scheduled to be elsewhere in some other time? Honestly, I didn't give much thought, until recently, when it stuck me that in reality there is no human, no space, no galaxy, no universe .... It is the "Creator's" conspiracy to keep you away from the truth...

I just wonder - how? How can the system be so perfect, flawless, self-fulfiling. In financial terms, this is fire-cracker stock - its needs no additional funding to grow. It is indeed a thought out game - the creator allows you to be here, he gives you resources to play with, a mind to explore them, creates the rules and modifies them on his own will. You are a pawn and a player at the same time - it is only the realization thats missing. Deep down you know you are not in control of things around you. Collectively as a race of humans (irrespective of the religion, caste, society) we fail to recognize the importance of being one in times of crisis. This is what the creator loves - he loves to manipulate us, he loves to see the friction (though he hates it the most), he loves to empower us, he loves to destroy us - or in his own word - he loves to maintain a "Balance".

So what is the truth? - Truth is that - there is no alien or there are as many aliens as you can see. A human is an alien to another, for the representation of energy within me is different from the energy within you. It's just that we have a common medium to communicate (language). One needs to know that communication is not restricted to language to explore - trust me, aliens are a reality - just that you and me havent figured out a way to communicate with them.

Truth is that - space (our solar system) is just an illusion - you only know what you are supposed to know and more importantly are capable of knowing. There is no definition of space - it is indifinitve in dimensions (forget about 3D's and 4D's). Truth also is that the universe (beyond our solar system) is also an illusion - a super "program" which has all the characteristics mentioned above. Truth is you will only experience what all you choose to experience and nothing more than it - we communicate with each other not just in the language we speak but also through the energy balance we dont know about. There is no luck, there is no destiny - only truth is the path of the unknown which every energy source follows - without knowing where it ends or if it ever ends. Definitive truth is you will die a million times and re-borne a million times - energy never dies - it just transforms itself.

And who is the creator? - I am still searching and will surely figure out by the time this journey ends...

A new friend...

2011-03-08T18:44:00.002+04:00

It is really dark outside. Am on my my bed but can't sleep due to that niggling pain in my right jaw. Am thinking of running away; away from this pain, from the darkness that surrounds me, from all the expectations that bound me, from all the ethos that me a righteous individual, from the god that rules me!

Not able to see anything I close my eyes anyways. Not thinking how today went and what I need to do tomorrow. I am free of what has happened to me and what I would be doing further. I am away from both reality and fiction. I am away from that tiredness I was experiencing thus far.. all I know is that I am breathing. I forgive myself for all the mistakes made, I let go others who I believe have been bad to me. I am not angry anymore for being hurt by words or actions. I am now a wind that is just flowing irrespective of the shape or form. I am that light in that darkness that sees me content with myself irrespective of all failures. I am just happy being what I am - no more, no less than that. I take that step ahead to find the peace within :-)

From all the peace I am experiencing, there comes a thought - thought of making of a new friend. Someone who doesnt judge me, someone who listens to me unconditionally, someone who doesnt take the liberty of flirting with emotions, someone who is pure, as transperant as water, someone who tells me what I am, someone who lets me see through me, someone who doesnt hurt me through his action or inaction, some who doesnt make me sad. Some one who stays - irrespective of a million people walking by me. I've decided to be my best friend! ...

(Being judgemental about others is bad, being judgemental about oneself is a crime!) .. and this someone is not gonna be that :-)

Beta shaadi karlo ....

2011-02-26T10:43:00.002+04:00

Dedicated to all my "married" friends - who offlate have been buggers!! ;-)

9 out of 10 pings on Gtalk, 5 out of 10 on FB and every phone call back home to my lovely mom - asks me the same question nowadays!

"Tu shaadi kab kar raha hai??!!" - "Kab, Kisse, Kahaan, Kyun" - "tu gay toh nahi ban gaya" - "Ladki kaun hai, ab toh bata de" ...

Phew, honestly, I wish I had an answer to any of it (except the 3rd one - NO)! par answer nahi hai - there not even a guesstimate on any of it. Ladki kaun hai toh dur, ab tak ladki ko dekha bhi nahi hai ... aur shaadi ko abhi saari umaar padi hai.

But I have a question, y do you "married" friends talk or ask abt getting married?? ;-) I think it comes out of sheer frustration of being married and living with a feeling of being grounded - while a single friend like "HP" is having all the fun in the world dancing to WACKO music and meat around him! Saalo dost ki khushi dekhi nahi jaati tumse!

It is a big misconception that one can't be happy being single. You can go anywhere you want, do anything you want, go home at any time you want and there is no constant phone call/message - asking "Kyan cho?"... LOL ... You can party your way to glory ... you can dance with multiple partners (because this is a public blog I'll stop there) ... you are allowed to keep your room in a state of mess ... infact the entire house in a mess .. (if my room or house is not a mess, I won't be able to find most of my things) ... kabhi bhi khaana kha sakte ho ... you can get up any time in the morning .... you may choose not to bathe entire sunday (or even brush for that matter). Kya chahiye aur life mei! ...

Freedom is always better than a golden cage afterall !! ... so the next time you guys ping me, I hope v'll be discussing about good things in life - your's and mine! We all know within our hearts who is more happy, so stop asking or pushing me into it. I am not spilling the beans here cuz I know all my "Bhabhiji's" will read this post as well and I sincerely don't wanna waste ur Sunday! ... ha ha...

Republic Day ...

2011-01-26T05:57:00.002+04:00

Nah, I didnt get up at 6.30am today - didnt have to go for a flag hoisting at school! .. And I didnt get those free Jalebi's and Samosa's as well :-( (both of which I absolutely love).

When you live away from home you realise how special it is to be within your country - amongst your own people. Safrron, white, green and blue - representing a billion different identities - all livign together under one flag, same ideology (well almost) and character. Biggest democracy in the world is what we call "India". We are a great nation ..... Country of Buddh, Chanakya, Akbar, Laskmibai, Gandhi, Patel and offcourse Sachin's straight drive - well for that matter Sachin's paddle, sweep, reverse sweep and leg spin :-) Think about it, which other nation speaks 36 different languages (forget those million dialects), follows more than 5 religions - and certainly worships more than a million gods. No One! ...

I am sad though, sad for the fact that whatever I wrote above is only "some what" true nowadays. India is battling corruption (probably 100x in magnitude than late 70 & 80s), crime, terrorism, poverty, inflation and worse - apathy of its people to change the situation. I am sad that our great nation is polarized between ideologies and practises, capitalism and socialism. Government is a thug - between 2003 and 2008 look at the magnitude of public assets transfered to private treasuries, be it Oil & Gas assets, Coal mines, telecom etc.... In my favourite language of all "Gujju" we have a saying - "jeno raja vyapari teni praja bhikhari" and it suits perfectly to the Indian context right now. We the "aam aadmi" are not fighting inflation because we are poor but our state has not left us any income generating asset to finance the deficit. In a better way - "we are fucked!" Aam aadmi "aam" toh kya "gutli" bhi nahi kha sakta ... for once need, comfort and luxury are sold at the same price in India (Onion, beer and Petrol all at Rs. 65)

It is really sad to see all of it happen under the leadership of an honest guy like Dr. Singh, however, reality is that riches have become richer and poor has become poorer. State is not funding any new infrastructure porjects (because honestly it cant). what we call a "public-private" partnership is a hoax to transfer fruitful assets to the private sector. Govt is neither enterprising nor commited to the good of comman man. I am tired of all the scandals, tired of justice being defered, of all the state of affairs generally. Govt is corrupt, opposition wants its own share, parliament doesnt work - One gets paid for not working in a country where if I don't end up working for 12 hours a day I will get paid nothing. Kaise, Kyun aur Kab tab chalega? I didnt vote to see myself being mocked at ......

May be with all the virtues, we have to accept some of the vices. Question is till when? You, me, us have to decide! .....

Identity ...

2010-12-12T12:06:00.003+04:00

Every day I look into the mirror to identify myself! .. However am not being able to you. Someting within me tells me that I am not the "face" I see in that mirror. I am lost in the quest to identify myself .. am trying to l0cate "me" in a huge crowd of faces - and I am just not able to know which face is mine or how is it that I actually look.

Seems like I have gone blind - however my sleep is never dark. It is full of faces - it is full of light, not letting me sleep - making me wander in my quest. I have travelled far and wide - however these faces follow me wherever I am - infact they always multiply!! I do recognize them cuz I have lived through each of these "faces" ... however I cannot identify myself with any one of them .. they are distant but close ... I dont forget them - neither do they let me. They haunt me in the middle of a night - they don't let me sleep or be at peace ... I am trying t orun ...as fast as I can, as far as I can - though these faces always find my whereabouts. I wonder how? I wonder why?

They make me feel miserable - for they are exactly what I am and dont want to be. I want to get rid of them, want to rise above them ... am desparate .. am running to hide away and I cant! I am low, fear being possessed by the faces around. There seems to be no end to it. My conscience is not clean - for I am constrained by my ability to see, to feel, to love or to respond.

These "faces" are my sins, my anger, my insecurities which I nutured initially and now with time these have grown big to clasp my humble self into a web of discrete motives. I find no way out, am helpless, am confused, feel bad for being a miserable soul - words I said and choices I made, now seem to be all wrong. I sit lonely with my faces and wish I had just one face bcuz for now its difficult to know who I am?

I'll try and see the mirror again in a hope to find a new face - one which is not angry for wht it is, one which has no insecurities abt its being, one which identifies the god within and is happy for this one chance to live. I am thus looking for a new identity .........

A place called home...

2010-10-16T15:35:00.004+04:00

Been in Singapore for about 15 days now and have been looking out for a place to stay .. have looked at atleast 10 places by now, but can't make up my mind on any one of them ! ... Am confused, never have looked for a house for myself .. that choice was always made by others and I don't know what to look for ... so guys I am calling for help!! ...

Here are some of my random thoughts over it ...

I need to get up by the squirks of a few birds playing along the tree of my bedroom window ... when am up want to look at that rising sun hiding itself amidst a tall city ... that place where the freshness of morning inpires me to "RISE" and give my best to this new day I am blessed with ....

When I am back from a busy day, there are kids playing around, that place is warm enuff to embarce a dirty me, to give me that security that I am finally home ... and as night grows older to help me see that glittering city in lights as if there were a million stars right in front of me ... a place which calms down the anxioux me ... and when I go to bed it makes me realize that - life has grown older by one more day ...

I am looking for a place called 'home'! ...

A full circle...

2010-09-29T17:08:00.003+04:00

Little did I know this would happen! ...

A few months back when I packed my bags to come back to Mumbai from Abu Dhabi (after having lived there for 3 years) little did I know that Mumbai actually doesn't want me to stay back either ... Its been a little over 3 months and I am packing my bags one more time to leave Mumbai and go to Singapore!

I believe some one up there has taken that multi-city model way too seriously in my case :-) Having studied both in the UAE and Singapore, I guess they want me to contribute towards their economy by working at those places... LOL...

Jokes apart, I have realized one thing ... remember that movie "Jab We Met" ... has a famous dialouge ..."Life mei jo actual mei chahoge real mei ..woh jaroor milta hai" is absolutely true. Somehow now when I think back, while leaving AUH I always wanted to be an Indian hedgie and work in Singapore (Rajan can vouch for that) and when my tiger called me up to say that I need to based in Singapore now, smthing within me told me that it was all planned-destined-decided...must say tht dude up there has been really kind!

At this point in time I have no further ideas, life is taking me places and I am going with the flow ...

India so far ....

2010-06-25T09:12:00.005+04:00

If one word can describe my 14 day stay so far in Mumbai - it would be "competition". Just as you step out of your house there is a competition to find an auto-rikshaw, as soon as you reach the train-station there is competition for a seat in the train (the unwritten rule of mumbai - if you are not in the train till the time it stops - you would have to stand till Dadar on the Borivali-Churchgate train). Once you step of the train, you need to compete for a Cab whose fare is still not fixed by the government and you need to pay whtever amount is demanded from you. Finally you reach for an interview only to realize there are atleast 20 other resumes on the desk of the interviewer and you need to compete with those for an eventual job. After living outside India for 4 years now, I must say some of these experiences are truly overwhelming!

However, home is home afterall and you come to terms with all of it gradually. Slowly you learn to share the auto-rikshaw and cab's, you find a group of friends in the train who talk all non-sense - right from the stock market to tv-soaps. No one has no idea about anything, but definitely has an opinion about everything :-) Just yesterday on my way from Churchgate to Borivali in the 6.17 local, I happened to discuss so many things with fellow passengers .. finally I also started talking non-sense and was damm happy about it.

Finally the job! Must say I've got lucky to find one here in Mumbai. One thing I have realized is that despite so much of economic growth there aren't plentiful jobs in India nowadays and its really difficult to find something unless you are really lucky. While I was sitting at the Abu Dhabi airport for the final flight to Mumbai, somewhere within myself I was scared of the challenge ahead. The feeling was like when you want to jump in the pool without knowing how to swim. And now, I am just glad that home has embraced me with all its colors and warmth. Someone up there is definitely watching me and has helped be at the right place at the right time .....

(Meanwhile for people in Mumbai - my contact number is 9619531233 and I know I have loads of friends to catch up with) .....

A new life...

2010-05-28T02:14:00.002+04:00

Finally the day has come when I bid adieu to ADIC. Today being my last day at work here in ADIC, I feel nostalgic thinking about all the up's and down's I've had in the past 3 years. However, I believe its time for me to move on. I want to take back with me lots of good memories from this place and hope that I am able to overcome the not so good one's I've had here. Good or Bad, ADIC has taught me a lot both in professional and personal terms and I am happy that I am not leaving Abu Dhabi out of sheer disgust. Infact, at the bottom of my heart I sincerely believe that my role for this short stage of my life is over and I am quite content to have played this role well (life is indeed a story of short stages with different roles to perfom).

There have been loads of positives to look back on during these 3 years - strong bonding with my SP Jain colleagues who came to Abu Dhabi with me right after our MBA, interactions with some very good set of ADIC colleagues, a few good friends I have made here, diverse learning experience working as an Analyst and most importantly learning that human spirit is above all religion. I have become more tolerant to ideas, cultures and opinions. I wish I can carry all of these back to India with me.

For Mumbai - I am more than happy to go back. I have been away for 4 years in all and certainly feel a need to reconnect with all lost threads back there. Life ain't gonna be that easy back in Mumbai, however my time has come to take up that challenge one more time. 2nd June is when I fly back and I am already overwhelmed by the feeling of being back home. I must say one thing I have terribly missed in all these years is good "home made food".

Its time to start packing some good memories for now :-)

I want to thank all my Abu Dhabi S.P. Jain colleagues for making Abu Dhabi a great living experience. Trust me, without you guys this place would have been really boring! Lastly there is an endless list of people I need to thank - right from various cook's to the dedicated taxi drivers who have made there own significant contributions in my journey here in AD. May god give you guys all you want and deserve in life ...

Sayonara .....

The re-start button!

2010-04-27T18:43:00.002+04:00

Hmm... So I pressed it! ...
"Why all of a sudden?"
"Where are you going?"
"What are you going to do next?"
"Are you sure, you want to do this?"
"Rethink a bit .... even if you are 99% sure"
...Some of the statements my boss made this morning after I resigned from ADIC (yep I did it finally). I am going back home and am super happy about it. After 3 years at ADIC, my heart told me that I need to move on .. or rather move back to India - Mumbai.

Past 3 years in Abu Dhabi have been a great learning curve for me - professionally and personally. There are so many ups and downs to talk about, success(es) to cherish, failures to forget and memories to go home with. During my first month in Abu Dhabi, I didn't think I would stay here for 3 years - that too in the same company, same house, same bedroom, same bathroom, same bed (though once in a while I managed to change my squilt set :-) ) and same of probably everything one could think of. Infact, a great indicator of you having lived in a city far too long is when you meet the same taxi driver twice! and I have met more than one of them thrice atleast.

Working with ADIC has been even more exciting. I must be the only employee till date that has worked on all projects within my department. Abu Dhabi is a great place to work in provided you never question the system .. the day you do it; either the system breaks you up or you quit by yourself. Change is the only certainty here; just that the "change" happens every month and probably it gets you to a point where you start thinking - if everything around you is changing and you are not; may be something is wrong with you (e^-rt)

However, I have no regrets being here ... I have learnt a lot and take back a lot with me. Now is the time to look inwards than outwards. Time to re-start..

And yeah .. I don't have answers to any of the questions my boss asked me earlier today!

All I know is that I am going hommmmeeeeee..................

The Company ...

2009-08-17T17:48:00.004+04:00

Its been more than 2 years in Abu Dhabi now and boredom is starting to creep in now. No more am I enjoying the place; nor do I like exploring it any more. A usual weekend is movies (ocassionally swimming) and eating out. However, the most fascinating thing about this place is my job ...

I joined my current company back in June 2007 and have been trying to figure out since then as to what this company is trying to achieve. In the last two years my profile has been changed more than thrice (LOL) and now it feels that if I was made the head of department tomorrow may be I would be able to do the job better than it has been done. I came here straight out of B-School and this turned out be completely opposite to every principle of business I was taught. Infact, I can actually write a book on it with the title "How not to run your business" and grab some best seller awards for sure (some of my colleagues are already updating their scarp books for later use). Infact on one of the trip outside of UAE recently one of my senior colleague told me a very important thing - if you work with fools, tell other that you work with fools; else when the world realizes that you worked with fools they would take you as a fool as well ...

The bureaucracy really amazes me. There are more than two people or two departments trying to do the same thing and unfortunately none has accountability for the task assigned (atleast we are good at job creation in these recessionary times). Strategy of the company has changed more than twice in the last 2 years (however I must admit that so has the senior management). Every morning we all speak about everything else in the world apart from what we are suppose to talk about - "InvestmentManagement". Jokes are usually PJ's and generally people believe that they are better than Buffet or Soros .. let alone that some people quote that Soros did what they spoke about a few weeks back. The frog has never leaped out of the well and thinks he the king of the world. People who earn more than me ask me such stupid questions that I couldnt take it any more today and just decided to leave office mid-day to save myself from aggravating my frustration.

Every one is aiming at a target in dark and hoping to hit the bullseye (little do they reliaze that the target is on the other side).
There is no dialouge between the top-middle-junior management. There is no workflow in place. Everyday one has to open his/her mailbox and see what tasks are assigned to that individual for the day. And my boss derives pleasure out of it saying that you guys need to be good at "ad-hoc" tasks (mera boss actually "f" ko "l" samazta hai ;) .

I hope I am proven wrong however if my understanding of business is true; places like these can never go too far. When I came into this company I was enthu about a lot of things and now I just hope I can survive here till the time I find another job ...

India wins...

2009-05-17T09:43:00.005+04:00

(After suffering from a huge writer's block for the last 6 months - I am back again)

A quote from morning daily Times of India today reads "India is not a secular country because Indian muslims want it to be secular; It is secular because Indian hindus want it to be secular". Honestly, this is the best line I have ever read about Indian hindus and the fact that it comes from an Indian muslim - MJ Akbar makes it more credible.

Election results for LS polls 2009 have slapped divisionary politics; politics which divides you on your caste, politics which divides you on the strata of society you belong to and most importantly politics which makes you believe that "every human has an equal right to live, to belong to India because of his origin" is no longer valid. I have never understood divisionary politics right from the day I could understand politics probably because I was raised in colony where muslims and christians were our neighbours for almost 20 years. Thankfully that taught me to respect all religions; celebrate and enjoy all festivals and live peacefully with differences in opinions and values (One thing which my mom didnt like though is that it also taught me to eat non-vegetarian food as well). I believe most of us Indian's are the same! Each of us (well barring a few offcourse!) knows how to respect a different religion than our's; tolerate views and opinions; and build a society of communal harmony and peace. Our principle is simple - "Live and Let live".

Unfortunately, some of the political parties has not understood that very fact. Dude who the f*&k in this fast world has wasteful time to spend on things like religious idealogies? and who the bloody hell knows that his god is better than other gods? Broaden your perspective; god (not matter which) will only help those who help themselves. Stop dividing people based on their race, colour and god that they worship - no body explicitely had a choice to choose a god when he/she was born into this world. There are much more important things to focus on anyways - education, poverty, child labour (which I believe is the biggest crime of all), employement ... and now India wants a government which looks at these issues rather than one which promises to bomb the neighbours house if one kid over there has thrown a stone on your house. I dont mean to say that governments should be ignoring crimes; however punishing the innocent for mistakes of a few is bigger crime to commit.

True - People always vote for change; and the change this time is that we want our government to be more proactive in decision making think of broader good and balance socialism with capitalism. We want our government to be educated and most imortantly we want our prime minister to be a person whom we can all look up to. May be that's why INC has won; safrron has to learn what the new Indian wants and hopefully the red realises that its better to shut down if idealogies remain the same. For the rest, stop bringing criminals to poll !!

**** oopss sorry - just one last thing! ... Quite frankly I am bored of "Hindutva" and I always wanted to ask this to LKA "Abey C-K-B tujhe kaise maloom ki 400 saal pehle baabri masjid ki jagah ram mandir tha?"

One new resolution!

2009-01-03T14:07:00.004+04:00

I have always loved this tradition of making new year resolution(s) on the 1st day of every new year. All these years I have made several resolutions and to be frank I have forgotten about them in a day or two after I've made them. However, 2009 is a different year and I really want to live by the resolution I have made this year. It isn't a great resolution anyways, however, I am sure it's a difficult one to follow. My resolution for 2009 is 'to smile' .

2008 wasn't a great year so to say so (personally). I have seen more down's in 2008 than up's, who care's however, the year is gone and its time to bid it a warm good bye. Begining every year we all make many resolutions; again these being very materialistic. I do no mean to say that one should not aim higher nor do I mean that one should do away with responsibilites. The most important thing of all that 2008 has taught me is that, no matter what happens you should always be ready to wear a smile on your face. Too much of thought actually makes my mind go crazy and I am sure it applies to other's as well. Hence, my resolution for 2009 is just to let things be. No matter what happens around me, I will smile. I will try and stay as happy as I can throughout the year.

A resolve to live by the moment.....

Seeking redemption...

2008-11-24T08:30:00.002+04:00

It was just yesterday afternoon that I finished reading this book -- '3 mistakes of my life' by Chetan Bhagat. The story is about Govind Patel, a small time buisnessman in gujarat who has made 3 big mistakes in his life and failing to redeem himself from these mistakes has attempted a suicide. The story revolves around three basic themes - Gujarat earthquake, the riots post Godhra and the love of Govind's life ... each of which supposedly leads to a mistake!

Essentially the story is not just about Govind ... it's about every human being. After I finished reading the book, I must admit, I felt like W..T..F.. what does it mean after all. Reflecting back on the book I realised I had missed an important thread which was 'How can one seek redemption from his wrong doings?' 'Who forgives you?' 'Who decides what is your punishment?' and 'How on earth would you know if the person affected by your wrong doings has no qualms against you? ' I guess these are extremely difficult questions to answer which the book tries to address in a subtle way.

The book also got me thinking about all the mistakes I have made in my life. As a kid I have been disrespectful to my elders, as a grown up I have abused friends, my word sometimes have led to broken relationships, my actions have made other's sad at times, my anger has made people indifferent towards me, my grudges have never let me see beyond hatred ... how will I ever make up all these. How on earth would I be able to figure out if people have forgiven me or not? ... I guess you forget a lot of things with time. I had also forgotten my mistakes, however I know I am due for punishment some time ( i dont know when).

Being willfully wrong means making a mistake and I have been willfully wrong a several times... I can only wait for the day my soul forgives me for all those mistakes. For Govind, things turn well in the end ...its a happy ending after all. Govind forgives himself for all his mistakes, he gets back his girlfriend... he saves a muslim boy during the riots .. he helps this boy play Cricket again (for the boy's hand got injured due to Govind's mistake). For me though, I still continue my journey on the path of exoneration .....

(Actually the theme was used in one recent movie as well - 'Bachna Ae Haseeno' )

The rat race ....

2008-11-10T14:34:00.007+04:00

How often has this feeling come to you that you are a part of a big rat race? Unconsciously we know this until a day comes when light hits our face and says 'Happy Realisation' ...

Right since childhood we all become a part of this rat race ... a race for success, a race for money, a race where we want to prove ourselves that we are better than others. So rightly has someone said: - "If you are first, you are first. If you are second you are nothing" ..and everybody wants to be first. I have been a part of this race ever since I knew it existed (again consciously or unconsciously .. i was always a part of it). Probably some might say I beckoned it for them for a small part of my life as well. However, the recent turn of events have made me think about my being a part of it... suddenly my soul ask's me if it does really matter whether or not I am a part of this race, whether or not I shall win at the end of it and most importantly what shall I make out of it....

Why are we all in this race? to be successful, to earn a better living, to survive and may be even to satisfy ourselves on the goal of our existence. Success unfortunately is a really vague term...I have never read a proper definition of success in my life. My idea of success has always been more money and power. Does being successful mean being happy? I dont know. What I have found out recently is that in this rat race there is a huge 'Unknown' factor. The unknown is not controlable by any individual; however is an impact of collective action on different individuals at different times. Lemme elucidate it simply ... one of my friend goes to Harvard; gets out of it and gets a high paying job and then I go to Harvard a year after he left and when I am about to be placed, the financial market collapse leaving me with no job at all. The unknown here is "luck"...its not me who is responsible for it .... its an impact of a collective wisdom which has been imposed on me...

I have realised that there is no single yardstick of measuring success except for the fact that you should be happy in whatever you do and wherever you are. We cant compare two individuals for success for each one has a different path.

I dont mean to say that a person should not have goals or be unwilling to take up responsibility. Working towards your goals is always for you to decide, however the result of it is always a matter of destiny. Fortune always favors the brave, so take as many chances as you can .. just dont be sad if one of them doesnt come off well.... there are 'n' number of paths and if you cant walk one you would surely walk the other..

I have decided I am still gonna a part of this rat race ... however, will not let other's decide if I have won it or not, I will run it without a destination in mind - for I dont really know where I am headed, I will rather find a key to happiness in whatever I do for it is all that matters :-)

And there it is...

2008-01-18T16:44:00.000+04:00

Just a month back I wrote a blog about me being a changed person - one who no longer loves to eat outside ... one who hates goin to the restrnt's ... Little did i know at that time that the blog wud culminate into reality ... every word written there would come true ...

Jus a couple of days back when in Abu Dhabi, I saw a swollen abdomen muscle and so decided to be back home for a treatment. My doctor told me today that I am suffering from something called Gastritis ... on further enquiry I came to know this is a disease which happens due to improper eating habits .. yeah ... I have had a lots of chickhen kababs, tikka's, raan, lamb, fish n many other such things in the last 3 months in Abu Dhabi; in small pakistani's and Indian restrnt's ... now they taste delicious ... however my little tummy had too much of it i guess now ... the spice's , the oil, the half coocked nan et all have all had a major role to play in my Gastritis .. and as a punishment now ... Non-veg is a strict no-no... spicy/oily food have to be wished farewell and wht more; there's no difference between the food I have to eat and that given to a patient in hospital's (bad luck)

This is one agony of being away frm home ... now matter how much u try ... u have to eat in small restrnt's (unless u have a wife or are a cook urself) where sometimes the quality is not gonna be good ..and sooner or later ur tummy is gonna give up ... :-(

So the next thng i m upto before going back to Abu Dhabi is to learn cooking !! ... I hope to treat myself better once I go back to the grind ....

Gyration...

2007-12-15T21:01:00.000+04:00

Its amazing how life has a laugh at you in the best of moments... sometimes it happens tht things/people whom you hated in past come back to you.. and infact now there is no time for hatred and the fact is tht thing/person who has come back to you has made you happy! :-)

One of the critical things about living a bachelor's life, away from home, is that you need to have a lot of discipline... no one's gonna come and wake you up, no one's gonna wash your clothes, no one's gonna pamper with good food and that no one would really care if you are hungry or not ... in short - 'You are all by ur own self' ... Me, Rajan, Rakesh, Aditya and Saurabh are goin thru one of these disciplinary crisis out here in Abu Dhabi ... all of a sudden our cook has disappeared and finding food has been a pain offlate .. no no ... i dont mean you dont have restr's in Abu Dhabi, it means we have not left an undiscovered restr. in Abu Dhabi (atleast I am not much at difficulty bcuz i m a harcore non-vegetarian now) ... and hence food that we have been eating is repititive in nature ....

Now this repititiveness reminds me of something....about 4-5 years back when I was at home, enjoying life with my family, I used to bug my mom for making repititive things in lunch and dinner everyday and wud also come up wid innovative dishes for my mom to cook which would somtimes take hours...at that point in time I was one guy who used to believe that if i have money with me in near future i would go to all different hotels and never eat at home ... Know something; God listened to me ... here i am wid all the money in the world with all restr in Abu Dhabi and look I am already bored of eating outside .. :-) (this thing is very similar to that old story of a king who wants everything that he touches to be gold) ... now i think why did I wish for it in the first place ....

Another thing is that I was a very demanding foodie, I used to eat certain things and do away with others..I have had several fights wid my mom over food or certain vegetables which were made at home ... I always hated these 4 things (only gujju readers wud understand) .. 'Turia', 'Dudhi', 'Karela' and 'Mathia' ... and today afternoon when i went for lunch .. the gujju restrn here had 3 of the 4 things in vegetables....tht instantly reminded me of my mom ...ha ha .. the fights i use to have wid her when she used to make these at home ... i believe this thing happened puporsely to me today ... its like sm1 telling me ... Hey U Mr. Ardous... eat this or be hungry ! .. Yes it came back to me ... today I cudnt fight nebody... rather than being angry, I had a smile on my face ... rather than yelling at my mum ... I decided to call her then n there to sayi am sorry for the past ... and next time when I m home she can make nething n I wont complain...

Life is certainly a gyrating tale, I am a changed guy, I dont like restr nemore and wht more ..i am eating my most disliked food ever .... :-)

P.S: Any Abu Dhabi readers?! - please let us know if there's a cook willing to make food for us 5 !!

Been 6 months......

2007-12-08T12:21:00.000+04:00

Its been 6 months in Abu Dhabi now ... and it seems no less than an eternity.... this particular time has been a mixed bag of memories; joy, mischief’s and a lot of doin nothing have all been a part of these 6 months in Abu Dhabi ....

so here's a snap shot of all happening's in Abu dhabi -

To start wid, about my work. In the last 6 months my organisation has undergone a sea change, twice the board members got changed, the CEO got fired ( ha ha ) n there's no CEO now ... my entire team left (now the team is jus 2 of us new chaps) ... ha ha .... the portfolio's that I created made loss :-( guess i am unlucky for my organisation ... sometimes its really funny ... we bet whose gonna leave next in the office ... and now a new thing is gonna start ... we'll celebrate people leaving our department ... ha ha ... means one party fixed for each month .... (how does one not be happy abt parties) .... and the most important thing of all - department deosnt have money to give salary hikes but surely has money to party ... So all in all ...work has been fun ... learning is one part... however office gossips and pleasure seeking has been the key things :-)

Now, the other part of life.... life apart from office .... aahh ... this has been a bit of a bore ... no new place is left for lunch or dinner ... no new place is left for roaming around ... no movie has gone unwacthed .... and bloody directors ...the movies havent been so good as well (barring NO SMOKING) .. every time u have to pay 30 dirhams for a bakwaas film... this is the max i have travelled in terms of kilometeres all my life ... however the trips have been between Dubai and Abu Dhabi ... ha ha .... degree's wise ... one more round the corner .... normal lunch - rice and fish ... normal dinner - chicken n roti ... normal time pass - watching movie on lappie, normal dinner talks - discussing PE ideas, normal outing- Dubai offcourse, normal cribs - office, normal inspiration - find a well paying job in india,

ya ya ..i knw ...this normal is a bit abnormal ;-)

We all here are constantly in need of some spice in life ... some have reverted to chatting on net - all around the world round the clock, some just sleeping .. me trying to write again .... and few of us have taken a wrong path of being to 'Concept Dances'.... ;-)

Chater Mater....

2007-11-10T11:18:00.001+04:00

Its Diwali time again and this is the first Diwali I have been away from home and the feeling is like a batsman whose got out on 99... haha.....

Its amazing how things change, life takes u places which u never dreamt off, u wanna go back to the place whr u came from but can't... Mine is a similar case ... Though I havent seen more films in my life as much I have seen in the Abu dhabi theatre's (some times two awful films as well) .. not travelled so much ever before ...(here trips are to Dubai ..300 Km in toto both ways...3 times a week min) and also never had so much of a free time in my working life as mush as i m having here ... enjoying freedom of doing wht i want whenever I want to ... haha....

Given all this; life is still sad, I am away from home, away from family, loving parents, naughty friends and so much more.... Every day i get up to go for my office, I wonder if it was mumbai and i had to reach the railway station, board a train which is full of sticky people (surprisingly even that nowadays seems good) ... getting bored in office sometimes I wonder I was sitting in a nariman point office which overlooked the sea (water has a soothing effect on me) .. this happens everyday .... and then comes a salary slip and my inner self tells me ... this place isnt tht bad either ...hahaha....Paisa kya kya nahi karvata.....

Hence, I believe, life has become chater mater these days.... a bit sweet n a bit sour.. :) ...

misss missss mumbai ...

2007-10-18T14:18:00.000+04:00

Its amazing how somethings have a soothing affect on u as a person ... wht i mean here is whrsoever u stay in the world and no matter how happy u r ... ur home is the place where u'll find peace...

Its been around one and a half years now that I have been living away from home ... firstly for my MBA and later for my job .. and life away from home has been good so far ... however everytime I am home I dont feel like going away again ... this time its no different... I have been home for the past 15 days now and life has been simply amazing ... its only on 4 occassions out of 15 tht I have had chance to njoy dinner with my parents ..rest all have been wid friends ..some of whom i knew and some of whom i got to knw during my stay here...there's so much to catch up on and time obviously is short... also people in mumbai are usually busy ( i dont knw why .. probably i was as busy when i used to work here in mumbai)

However late it has been at night, i have always found company of people in crowded buses and trains on my way back home ... i always knew mumbai never sleeps and the belief has jus redeemed itself... this is wht u miss when u r away from mumbai (probably India one may guess) ..people talk abt all sorts of things... right from the water problems to TV commercials... my frnds do have a loads to tell me as well ... some of whom have got married now .. n r jealous of me ..lol... some of whom are still waiting to get married .. some of whom are not finding enuff time to njoy life bcuz of a demading job ... and some of whom r happy not doing ne job at the moment (I.T fellows...ha ha ha ...)

Its been so good catching up wid all of them that everytime my Blackberry gives a buzz ..i go sad reminiscent of the fact that I have to go back to my job away from Mumbai and how much i'll miss it ...

It's been long .....

2007-08-18T16:33:00.000+04:00

'Sometimes you wanna leave yourself a footnote and find out, wht you have done is written a whole chapter' ....

I know what this phrase means today .... my academic journey so far can be best summarised by this phrase above.

Well I wanted to write myself a footnote as well ... that was being a Chartered Accountant ...thts wht my parents wanted me to be ... and while boarding the 6.26 am slow train from Borivali every day during the second yr Bcom .. i used to wonder when this ordeal is gonna end ... bcuz it was a bit crazy those days ... day began at 5.30 am and ended close to 11pm at night ... i used to hate that ...bcuz it meant tht I cudnt follow many of my other interest(s) .. i wudnt be able to watch cricket !! .. no nothing...

Things did go well n i was a C.A (thankfully) ... but as i already said CA was more of a Compulsion than Choice..i didnt wanna continue wid its practice or nething related to tht ... i found paper work so boring .... so i decided to study further ..(n parents didnt mind bcuz i was jus 21 then)....I did a few other things like C.S (again tht didnt excite me), CFM - my first real knowledge came frm tht particular course....tht gave me a briefing on everything i wanted to knw ...n ya most importantly it helped me crack the ICICI treasury interview ....

ICICI was the biggest turning point of life so far... i had never seen an organization, its people ..so aggressive in my life ever before .. everything was so fast, things didnt happen they were made to happen n fast .... it gave u inspiration ... i dont knw for wht .. but it told u impliedly tht u had to be good to be there long ....

Treasury really helped me decide wht I wanted to do all my life ... wht wud excite a bore like me ... it was 'Get up every morning and decide where the world goes next' ..hmm .. so i started looking at people who wud do tht evry day and understand wht do they knw which i dont ... one thing i became aware of, at tht time was tht I needed to broaden my information quadrant.. knw n understand things in a broader perspective .. and then i decided to do MBA .. and since, by then i knew tht money is most exciting of all things in the world.. i decided to do CFA as well ...

17th August 2007 marked i was a C.A., C.S., CFM, FRM, CFA and an MBA (CFA being the last one)... nah i m not crazy nor m i a nerd ...nor did i ever plan it in the 6.26am train... i m jus a average guy who works a lil bit more ... ... jus took whtever came my way ... ya one thing i did right was not being afraid to take things up.... who dares wins isnt it !!

Nostalgia eh.....

2007-07-28T23:25:00.000+04:00

Time travels faster than light .. how true ..

Similar was a case of my MBA ... never realised when it started and when did it end ... was jus happy it did end ... (sigh) ....

Suddenly, today I happened to find out that my Lappie has jus about of 15 GB's of space left... so I decided to delete some of the not so neccessary things in it ... Now, since the MBA is done with; you dont require all the educational stuff nemore ...and hence I clicked on the 'Courses' folder on the 'C' drive .... and therein was a list of all courses I had taken up in the MBA ... The list started with 'ACF' and ended with 'Valuations' (name of the courses) ... So now the deletion started ... I double clicked the ACF folder ... and amongst notes I found 4 assignments which my grp had done for ACF ... I double clicked assignment 1 ... Texas High Speed Rail corp ... and it reminded me of the day my group mates sat in an empty room doing it .... then I click on assignment 2 .. hey its MW petro ... ah ...the one I completed at 4 am on the submission day ... huh ..it was some genius ...i distinctly remember I had done smthng the prof had challenged no one could do ... he he ...had a big argument in class tht day wid the finance prof (a 1000 ppl told me to calm down on IP tht day)... Looked thru the 3rd assignment and then the 4th .... I also remember that despite everything I topped tht subject .. my grp got the max marks in grp works.... so I decided not to delete nething from tht folder ...

In every folder; i clicked on the assignments, the notes I made in class (some ppl thought I used to chat in class .. lol ).... all had some memories ... I cudnt delete ne single one of those folders ... nor a single thing in those folders.......they all have loads of memories in them .. they remind me of days n nights I used to sit n break my head over things... they bring back all those moments I spent in my MBA ... Every day is so clear in my mind today .. the assignments/notes acted as a point of refernce for things I had forgotten ...

There is that folder called 'Dic-Dic' in my 'C' drive .... Dic-Dic is named after ADIC ... tht was the only interview I was gonna sit for in the entire placements... it has the best of data ever avaliable about markets .. infact on my interview day .. i knew where each particular stock market was, what were the rates for G-7 currencies.. wht the credit market in U.S was headed ... possibly everything one wud wish to knw abt finance still lies in tht folder .... There are folders which I made for friend(s ) ..carrying info abt tht job they were applyin to .. there are folders of a terrific SGP ... similary of a super dissertation (though the case was ..the evaluators never understood wht they were) ...

How could I delete all of this .... I can't ... m not that gutsy ... wht i realised is that how precious this data is for me .. n i need to take a back-up instead of deleting smthng frm it ...

There are things, people I would wish to forget abt from my MBA days .... however there are many good things that happened to me that I would wanna take ahead with me ....

Time travels fast and its important u leave behind traces to know where you have come from ... bcuz tht always helps u figure out where u are headed next ....

Silly me ... was trying to delete that part of my life away ... !!

Who holds wins....

2007-07-24T15:22:00.000+04:00

Caveat: If you are already bored of finance ..dont read this blog !!

Suprisingly, BSE Sensex is about to make a move towards one more historic land-mark. Yes, the land-mark being 16000!! .. pretty amazing isnt it .... I can only imagine the euphoria in every borkers office in mumbai rite now ... the season of gujjubhai's 'Mal Laoo' has made a come back .. those mad punching of orders, those constantly ringing phones, those khaman's and dhokla's and those beer parties in the night..I am sure its not less than an unrestrained rush of emotions every trader/every investor is goin thru at the moment...

I started tracking markets from 6700 levels (it was August 2005) if I remember correctly...and in 2 years time it has zoomed to the current levels... despite 3 major setbacks mid-way the markets have made a come-back rite frm the wall, if I may say so... and amazingly its not the story of the markets alone.. its a story abt India !!, an emerging economy (if tht word still applies) which has been tranformed by its people....

There have been a lots of theories about markets...some do work actually ..others dont .. however one theory which has never been wrong (even if you factor in inflation) is the long-only investing .... You will find millions of traders who chop n churn their portfolio's .. there are millions of investment advisers who recommend trading rather than investing .. infact I, being from the alternatives side of the business, am a tactical trader as well ... for me the game is two-alpha ... and its purely a short window for me ... 3 months is an awful lot of time...

Though what I write next is contrary to what I do, fact is a fact after all.... Short horizon investing never helps ... two fundamental reasons being - firstly a normal investor doesnt have access to superior information - secondly a normal investor cant sit on his pc all day analysing how a pair is gonna perform; given the speed of convergence - its a high end thing after all ... and thts wht people like me are here for ;) .. These are people who are already fed up of life and computer screen amazes them ..so they have screens at their home as well .. they dont sleep bcuz they will miss a news flash ...

Investors who have tried acting smart have always failed ... no body ever made a fortune jus trading ... u need to invest long and thts the only fact abt the markets... I dont intend to demean traders who trade on technicals, hedge fund managers who trade on algorithms ... those guys are nerds and tht business is all together different .. they want their alpha and are happy with it... whereas a normal investor like me needs Beta+Alpha ... which is only possible in a long-only investing... Look at ne equity market in the world .. and you will find that only long-only investing has added value in the long term....

The moral of the story is if u wanna invest ..invest long term ... greed never pays !! ... Who holds always wins ... and a win be big or small its a win afterall ... To continue with Indian e.g. when I went to my brokers office this time I was in mumbai .. i saw the entire old bunch of traders missing... new traders had replaced the old ones ... suprisingly the same people who called my broker earlier still called !!

(ok the last sentence was the punch line ... ah u didnt get it?)

Who told you so ....

2007-07-16T19:05:00.000+04:00

Things have changed ..and so should we ...

I am sure every1 has heard of this phrase - 'Slow and steady wins the race'... the story being of a Rabbit and a Tortoise... This story was so revelant when I was a small kid ... may be 15 yrs back this made complete sense ... now my answer to ppl who say this is - 'u must be kiddin me'..

People who still say this have missed an important point ... we all learn from our mistakes and surely the rabbits have too... no longer a rabbit sleeps while he's in a race ... and essentially now the race has turned into a Rabbit race rather than a conventional Rabbit-tortoise race...

If you have guessed wht gonna follow read on for confirmation and if havent followed it yet well read on ...

What I mean by 'Rabit' are people who know how to run fast (not literally) but those who wanna achieve a goal early ... probably look for one more goal after they have achieved their first, second, third..... Look around urselves and you will find rabits today run all organisations, they decide where the world go next, people look at them in awe ..y? ..before they are fast, they are aggressive, they know whr to go next even before they have reached a planned destination.... everything go as per plans because they knw every possible exit out of every roadblock tht comes in their way ... The rabit today has learned when to get up and start running again ..well before the tortoise even crossed him ... and as i mentioned earlier world's today a competing place for all rabits .. tortoise's have been outpaced long before and chances of there recovery are next to nothing....

So wht does a rabbit have that a tortoise doesnt .... first of all they have a high degree of self motivation, secondly they have a plan in place even before the problem was created ... they know whts coming next even before it was pronouced on them - its called 'Negative Inertia'... Tortoise on the other hand is a patient being and likes to go steady without being bothered by much of the things arnd ... he is jus happy to be slow !!

The choice now is wht you wanna be ....

One way to look at it is why be a rabbit ..bcuz at the end of it only one rabbit is gonna win out of many rabbits ... in true sense only a few ppl wud be successful n rest wud have to follow...

Take ur pick !! ...wanna die fighting or wait till it comes to you..

If you are not a rabbit think again ... try n be that before its too late !! .. or as they say in Arabic .. life is 'KHALLAS'

Make a pick !!

2007-07-12T20:58:00.000+04:00

Once my primary school teacher told all of my class a story ... it was about two kids ...

Both kids started to learn alphabets; the first kid learned the alphabets and moved on to study numbers from 1 to 10. The second kid learned the alphabets n did it well... and on the exam day..the first kid scored 8/10 and the second kid scored 10/10. Ya the exam was on alphabets... interesting isnt it ...whom wud you consider better? who is more intelligent? who is smarter and who is not? ...

The universe is divided into these two kind of people ... some people do differently things...some stick to wht they do ...n tht's the only thing they do n surely they do it well .....

The important thing for every one is of us to pick amongst these two categories ... the answer to above questions is tht both the kids are intelligent..both are smarter... only thing is tht they have chosen different paths for themselves.....and both wud do well if they stick to wht they do...

I met one very successful fund marketing officer today ... and one first thoughts I came to conclusion tht this guy is good ..y doesnt he manage a fund of his own .. y does he come n sell some1 else ... probably the answer to tht question was tht 2nd kid .. who does wht he does n tries to do tht well ... he doesnt wanna go ahead..he is happy where he is ...

Essentially we need to decide wht makes us happy ... U cant do everything under the sun and someday the 1st kid wud have to stop ... however he wud have enjoyed many different things he's seen on his way ...

I wudnt say which one of them is better ... I wud say I am the first one ... bcuz I believe to appreciate the good u need to knw whts better ....

Ample time ....

2007-07-01T19:16:00.000+04:00

Hmm... wht does one do when he has ample time at disposal ??? .... the question being on my mind since last thrusday ....

The concept of 8 hour working is really bad and believe me India is much better..cuz u spend most of the time in office n dont have to bother abt being boundless... I am trying my best to implement tht concept in my new hat here..however the max i am able to do in 10 hours in office ...

Imagine u get up every morning..make your breakfast .. go to office... work ... come back at 6pm.. roam in the same mall everyday ..same place .. same shps ..how boring is tht !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Life mei change kahan hai.... for a hopping rabit like me this is too slow a life ... essentially the thing is not abt being slow or fast ... i jus dont wanna be left behind working less when the fellow investment bankers around the globe are working 80 hours a week .. hardwork always pays n i m not working hard here ....

Now when u have ample time you can do two things with the time u have ... either in can go find urself a gf or if u dont wanna get bugged by silly talks the best thing u can do is start reading a book ... and given tht i m a good boy ..i have decided to do the latter....

Now since i have decided to read up something ... y not clinch one more degree ... aise bhi padhai aur aise bhi padhai .... thts a good idea isnt it !!

So i have decided to pursue one more course ... CAIA .... the big thing in the Hedge fund industry ...

CAIA here i come baby.....

Thank you for being there always .... my dear books !!!!!!!

It's N-1 again !!

2007-06-18T16:27:00.000+04:00

'Desire is the root cause of sorrow' - ye it is ... however, how does one move ahead in life if there are no desires or no unfulfilled ambitions !! ...

So here's me with one more desire (if you read my previous blogs ..I have already mentioned..i m a 'Yeh Dil Maange more' guy). I work presently in somthing known as Alternative Investments, many aren't aware of what exactly this peice of shit is. So let me brief a bit on it ... Alternative Investments is an investing sophistication, where numbers rule the world, the belief being ..there's nothing in this world numbers can't define .. in a histrionic terms - 'Investing is a number driven martix'..and thats actually true.....

When I finished my MBA, I had little idea I will be working in an Alternative Assets(AA) department. Now, though I always wanted to be close to figures ( I love sexy figures too), AA was a pleasant surprise. My life, now, revolves around figures ... at the end of a working day all I have done is mazed several figures on a spreadsheet and said 'WOW' .. thats crazy stuff. Good part about the job is that I use very bit of my brain analyzing Asset classes world over ..all tiny little parts of my acedemic sense.. and it also helps in creating a duality within myself .. for e.g. one part of the brain says Chineese Stock market would fall given a P/E of 35, the other part of the brain says .. how can chineese stock fall .. the one year deposit rate in China is less than the inflation.. and I am right both the times...

This is all I love about my job...

Now, the not so loved part of my job..

Often I have to meet with different Hedge Funds managers from across the globe, every time I meet them, I come out as a 'Inferiority-Complex' driven individual (which I obviously dont like)...let me tell you why this happens...On one side of the table is me and on the other side of the table is a guy who's done Phd. in physics, was working with french space agencies, now is a part of a quantitative Hedge fund and to add insult to injury is a graduate from MIT; and if this doesnt lower your spirits; nothing can, has also done CFA. I happen to meet one today ...

'So you follow a bayesian process' was my question .. 'We not only follow a bayesian process .. we also optimize based on factors..wht we do is calculate Correlations on a moving average basis with half Alpha values' was the reply ... I thought I should shoot myself there ...he he ... I have met 6 managers in 15 days time and they all have left me baffled ....

The bad thing about this job is that there are things which are going above my head ... and I dont like that to happen to me (believe me, you cant even laugh at urself)...

I have very soon realised that there are these immensely(grammatical error allowed) Brillianttttt people in this world and unfortunately, as of now, I am not a part of that group.

So here's the desire ... now I need to learn everything possible under the sun concerned with Alternatives ... to be as good as people who have understand figures better than me ... to learn how to beat them in their own court ... to make figures talk...

I thought not many desires were left unfulfilled, gusess what 'N' has increased and I am one short of it ...............

All's well that ends well !!

2007-05-17T20:59:00.000+04:00

Finally the MBA has come to end ... and after a good stint abroad I am back home to some masti and padhai (again) before I make a move to Abu Dhabi.

The whole MBA thing was a roller coaster ride ... thankfully it had lot more 'ups' than 'downs' and ended peacefully with not much of a noise. As I have mentioned in my previous blogs, MBA is not abt padhai or gyaan ..its all abt people you are with and what kindda influences those people have on you. And thts y this blog ...

In the 2 part of my MBA (this is a recency bias) I had these 3 people in my life whom I wouldnt want to thank (bcuz 'thnks' is too small an adjective) .... they being Umesh Ubriani, Sohan D'Souza and Rohini Sureka.

I first met Sohan on my first day at SPJCM, when I had arrived to Dubai wid no allocation of a room in the infamous blue villa and Sohan suggested I should be his room mate (That was the only best thing that happened at SPJCM) .... later on Umesh joined that room and later it carried on in Singapore wid us 3 being roommates again. Being my roommates Sohan and Umesh always stood by me, they listened to all my bull shit frustrating talks, gave me good company on the mid-night pleasure walks, the economy shakin dinner meals and a lot more ... I cant really imagine how i wud have survived those last 6 monhts of the MBA without these two by my side ... they made our room a pleasure to go back to...

The third person being Rohi ..a kid at heart ...who had a dog as her soft toy (actually some1 had fooled her ..selling a dog pronouning it as a lion ..which she readily believed..he he ). Rohi by herself is a very confused person ... but listens to all one has to say .. gives her opinion ..and doesnt want u to follow that ..which is the best part .... Rohi incidently became my finance grp member and that was also one good part abt singapore ... the usual boring me had a jovial person by my side who use to irritate me a lot !! ... however i thoroughly enjoyed her company.. she also like Umesh and Sohan wud listen to my bull shit at the end of the day and wudnt complain abt it :) .. likewise i also wud listen to her part of the story ..lol

These 3 people are special to me and I jus hope we stay in touch forever ...

And they all fall apart ......

2007-04-04T14:32:00.000+04:00

There are about 10 days left for my MBA to get over and by this time the ticket bookings, shipping books, last minute exodus to places left to vist have started to be in limelight and studies are on the back burner.

For many of us this is gonna be the last time we are in a B-school, for some of us who aspire higher goals in life - may be this is jus an intermediate stop over - however, whatever this be, none other time in our life's we would be able to see ourself as 'kids' enjoying ourselves at a B-school ...

Unlike a school/college, a B-school is a place where you meet people who come from different background, different walks of life, who bring with themselves something you didnt have in yourself and thereby offer you loads of learning - whether good or bad is immaterial. Essentially a B-School is never about the technical knowledge you gain, its about people around you and what you learn from them. The point being, you learn more about people than you do about ur stuff, and may be thats y MBA's become good managers... About myself I would say has been a similar case -- if someone was to ask me what all did you learn in this MBA -- I would say - "I Agreed to Disagree" and this line sums it all up for me at this B-School.

Also unlike a school/college, a B-school doesnt help you gain too many friends, may be because of one's pre-concieved dogma's, however it certainly helps you build a lots of acquiantances. Whether it be a friend or an acquiantance, a person when leaves you ... your heart go out to that person - You wish him all the best for his future endeavors and hope to see him one more time in your life ... similar is the case with me ...

Soon a day shall come when all 129 students (including me) of my B-School shall fall apart ... all goin their way ... trying to achieve their own goals ... trying to touch their sky ... I wish them all the best !! ... world is a small place and we always meet twice ... aur dosto Zindagi Rahi toh phir milenge -- Rab Raakha !!

Yeh dil maange more ....

2007-03-07T09:29:00.000+04:00

Life's been an interesting journey so far ....

When i was in junior Kg ..i remember i got 23rd rank ... (class consisted 25 kids) .. and after coming out of the class i said to my mom tht i need "Enegry" (energy is the name of the drink Amul produced ..dont knw if they still produce it) ... mom said u definitely need some energy and i got my energy when i got back home (this energy means when mom beats like hell .. hahaha ) ... I learnt my first lesson tht day .. if i dont score good mom's not gonna like it... so tht day chottu Hiral decided tht this should never happen and tht i shud get a toy whensoever ne result is annouced ... well by the time i was in 1st standard i was the best student in my school ...

Its amazing how tht day has influenced ... how can i remember tht day so distinctively in my senses ....

Mom I thank you for that beating ... the nine and thirteen ka table ... all the maths check points u taught me ... telling me how a bank account works at 9 ... we had 3 bank accounts and my first official assignment was to mentally tabulate all deposits and withdrawals and remember the closing balance in each of those accounts ... phew ..all that the age of 9 ... the bank teller's used to be surprised when i use to tell him the account balance after a particular transaction ... infact i forgot to take calculator for my final CA accounting paper .. didnt matter .. by tht time i was convinced brain is equivalent if not better than a calculator....

Its amazing how parents can influence you .. dad sent me to our broker to collect contract notes on stocks dad bought and sold ... honestly i took me enormous to figure out tht statement ... but eventually i figured it out ... I'll now be an investment banker dealing with stocks all my life ... doesnt make me afraid one bit .. been there done that .....

When I passed CA foundation, my dad promised me a pair of Rayban's ... however the bet got deffered to buying something else (more in value terms) if i passed my Inter CA in first attempt ... so tht too i did ... now dad told me "Oh y not defer it further" .. the bet finally was a Raymonds suit if i clear my Final CA in first attempt ... i did tht too ... now dad tell's me ..oh u r a CA u can buy one for urself ... hahahahaha...

The focal point is never be convinced by what u r or what u have achieved ...cuz there's smthng better ahead .... jus keep walking .. never stop ... two of these instances and many more like them make my life ...

Thanks Mom and Dad ... u taught this important thing ... "Yeh Dil maange more..... " ... "Never to give up" .... "Never to say i m done" ... if this is not an investment banking lesson....wht is it?? .. I read in an article that you are born to be investment banker ... i would say no; you are made an investment banker ....probably ma & pa taught me to be an investment banker all my life ....

I'll walk out of my B School in a few days time... will be an Investment Banker and once an I-Banker always an I-Banker... all thanks to my parents... Thanks god for giving me such wonderful parents ... I am a very difficult kid and they manage me well !! I love them both !!

Freshers party!!

2007-01-15T20:45:00.000+04:00

One of the days to remember in the entire GMBA journey was surely this one.... the day we seniors gave a our freshers a peek-a-boo into our other than academic interest...

I will remember this day for a different reason though .... the day gave me a chance to catch up with my old self ..which somehow i cudnt manage for long given the hussle-bussle of studies and other things... only a few people know me as HIRAL ... others i must say have a selective perception abt me ... :) ( hopefully this day wud have changed a few perceptions)..

This day i remembered the day i first stood up on the college podium to act .... it was the Economics class (Prof Kamaraj) ... I played a TV repoter who was trying to make people understand how population explosion can result in negative productivity!! ...well tht was 1997...freshers party's was in 2007 .... 10 years ... many things have happened in my life during these 10 years .... however i never acted as much as i cud ... no regrets ..u give up something to gain something else....

Though i wud say I have never danced apart frm Ganapati celebrations, friends wedding and a few other ocassions ;), this was one day where i cudnt stop myself from doin all weird dancing ... in the entire series of my dance performance only 4 sequences were actually choreographed...rest all was god knws wht ... however i think i did my co-dancers proud... :))

Some of my bacthmates came up to me and asked me "Why did u do tht?" (i.e. the skit and dance) .. well i must say i acted selfish!! ... It wasnt for any juniors..it wasnt for any of the other batchmates or for nebody for tht matter... IT WAS JUST FOR MYSELF !! .. I just felt like goin back to myself, enjoying the fun and zeal acting and dancing brings to me!!

It was one of those unforgetful days of life .... party'ed a lot ..n joy'ed a lot ...