Seeking redemption...

It was just yesterday afternoon that I finished reading this book -- '3 mistakes of my life' by Chetan Bhagat. The story is about Govind Patel, a small time buisnessman in gujarat who has made 3 big mistakes in his life and failing to redeem himself from these mistakes has attempted a suicide. The story revolves around three basic themes - Gujarat earthquake, the riots post Godhra and the love of Govind's life ... each of which supposedly leads to a mistake!

Essentially the story is not just about Govind ... it's about every human being. After I finished reading the book, I must admit, I felt like W..T..F.. what does it mean after all. Reflecting back on the book I realised I had missed an important thread which was 'How can one seek redemption from his wrong doings?' 'Who forgives you?' 'Who decides what is your punishment?' and 'How on earth would you know if the person affected by your wrong doings has no qualms against you? ' I guess these are extremely difficult questions to answer which the book tries to address in a subtle way.

The book also got me thinking about all the mistakes I have made in my life. As a kid I have been disrespectful to my elders, as a grown up I have abused friends, my word sometimes have led to broken relationships, my actions have made other's sad at times, my anger has made people indifferent towards me, my grudges have never let me see beyond hatred ... how will I ever make up all these. How on earth would I be able to figure out if people have forgiven me or not? ... I guess you forget a lot of things with time. I had also forgotten my mistakes, however I know I am due for punishment some time ( i dont know when).

Being willfully wrong means making a mistake and I have been willfully wrong a several times... I can only wait for the day my soul forgives me for all those mistakes. For Govind, things turn well in the end ...its a happy ending after all. Govind forgives himself for all his mistakes, he gets back his girlfriend... he saves a muslim boy during the riots .. he helps this boy play Cricket again (for the boy's hand got injured due to Govind's mistake). For me though, I still continue my journey on the path of exoneration .....


(Actually the theme was used in one recent movie as well - 'Bachna Ae Haseeno' )

The rat race ....

How often has this feeling come to you that you are a part of a big rat race? Unconsciously we know this until a day comes when light hits our face and says 'Happy Realisation' ...

Right since childhood we all become a part of this rat race ... a race for success, a race for money, a race where we want to prove ourselves that we are better than others. So rightly has someone said: - "If you are first, you are first. If you are second you are nothing" ..and everybody wants to be first. I have been a part of this race ever since I knew it existed (again consciously or unconsciously .. i was always a part of it). Probably some might say I beckoned it for them for a small part of my life as well. However, the recent turn of events have made me think about my being a part of it... suddenly my soul ask's me if it does really matter whether or not I am a part of this race, whether or not I shall win at the end of it and most importantly what shall I make out of it....

Why are we all in this race? to be successful, to earn a better living, to survive and may be even to satisfy ourselves on the goal of our existence. Success unfortunately is a really vague term...I have never read a proper definition of success in my life. My idea of success has always been more money and power. Does being successful mean being happy? I dont know. What I have found out recently is that in this rat race there is a huge 'Unknown' factor. The unknown is not controlable by any individual; however is an impact of collective action on different individuals at different times. Lemme elucidate it simply ... one of my friend goes to Harvard; gets out of it and gets a high paying job and then I go to Harvard a year after he left and when I am about to be placed, the financial market collapse leaving me with no job at all. The unknown here is "luck"...its not me who is responsible for it .... its an impact of a collective wisdom which has been imposed on me...

I have realised that there is no single yardstick of measuring success except for the fact that you should be happy in whatever you do and wherever you are. We cant compare two individuals for success for each one has a different path.

I dont mean to say that a person should not have goals or be unwilling to take up responsibility. Working towards your goals is always for you to decide, however the result of it is always a matter of destiny. Fortune always favors the brave, so take as many chances as you can .. just dont be sad if one of them doesnt come off well.... there are 'n' number of paths and if you cant walk one you would surely walk the other..

I have decided I am still gonna a part of this rat race ... however, will not let other's decide if I have won it or not, I will run it without a destination in mind - for I dont really know where I am headed, I will rather find a key to happiness in whatever I do for it is all that matters :-)

And there it is...

Just a month back I wrote a blog about me being a changed person - one who no longer loves to eat outside ... one who hates goin to the restrnt's ... Little did i know at that time that the blog wud culminate into reality ... every word written there would come true ...

Jus a couple of days back when in Abu Dhabi, I saw a swollen abdomen muscle and so decided to be back home for a treatment. My doctor told me today that I am suffering from something called Gastritis ... on further enquiry I came to know this is a disease which happens due to improper eating habits .. yeah ... I have had a lots of chickhen kababs, tikka's, raan, lamb, fish n many other such things in the last 3 months in Abu Dhabi; in small pakistani's and Indian restrnt's ... now they taste delicious ... however my little tummy had too much of it i guess now ... the spice's , the oil, the half coocked nan et all have all had a major role to play in my Gastritis .. and as a punishment now ... Non-veg is a strict no-no... spicy/oily food have to be wished farewell and wht more; there's no difference between the food I have to eat and that given to a patient in hospital's (bad luck)

This is one agony of being away frm home ... now matter how much u try ... u have to eat in small restrnt's (unless u have a wife or are a cook urself) where sometimes the quality is not gonna be good ..and sooner or later ur tummy is gonna give up ... :-(

So the next thng i m upto before going back to Abu Dhabi is to learn cooking !! ... I hope to treat myself better once I go back to the grind ....