Identity ...

Every day I look into the mirror to identify myself! .. However am not being able to you. Someting within me tells me that I am not the "face" I see in that mirror. I am lost in the quest to identify myself .. am trying to l0cate "me" in a huge crowd of faces - and I am just not able to know which face is mine or how is it that I actually look.

Seems like I have gone blind - however my sleep is never dark. It is full of faces - it is full of light, not letting me sleep - making me wander in my quest. I have travelled far and wide - however these faces follow me wherever I am - infact they always multiply!! I do recognize them cuz I have lived through each of these "faces" ... however I cannot identify myself with any one of them .. they are distant but close ... I dont forget them - neither do they let me. They haunt me in the middle of a night - they don't let me sleep or be at peace ... I am trying t orun ...as fast as I can, as far as I can - though these faces always find my whereabouts. I wonder how? I wonder why?

They make me feel miserable - for they are exactly what I am and dont want to be. I want to get rid of them, want to rise above them ... am desparate .. am running to hide away and I cant! I am low, fear being possessed by the faces around. There seems to be no end to it. My conscience is not clean - for I am constrained by my ability to see, to feel, to love or to respond.

These "faces" are my sins, my anger, my insecurities which I nutured initially and now with time these have grown big to clasp my humble self into a web of discrete motives. I find no way out, am helpless, am confused, feel bad for being a miserable soul - words I said and choices I made, now seem to be all wrong. I sit lonely with my faces and wish I had just one face bcuz for now its difficult to know who I am?

I'll try and see the mirror again in a hope to find a new face - one which is not angry for wht it is, one which has no insecurities abt its being, one which identifies the god within and is happy for this one chance to live. I am thus looking for a new identity .........